hobbits adding to Aragorn’s extensive name roster w nicknames like ‘Ol’ Stridey’ and ‘Greasy Stu’
greasy stu is sam’s fault isn’t it
one pint too many and suddenly it’s a one way-trip to Horrid Nicknames National Park
upon reflection they also call him Greasy Dan, Greasy Ted and Greasy Bill, basically just Greasy *insert short name here*
once Pippin accidentally referred to ‘Greasy Steve’ in front of Faramir and then had to awkwardly explain that he meant, y’know, the king
There are many things that Paladin would never believe about his son’s amazing journey through Middle Earth
Except that one. He absolutely believes Pippin to 100% when he says “I accidentally called the king Greasy Steve in front of the steward”, because it’s just… it’s just something Pippin would do.
Paladin is simultaneously v. exasperated, v. concerned about how the fuck he raised his son, and privately v. amused.
Faramir: who is this… greasy steve
Pippin: *panicking* you don’t know him
Frodo: it’s the king he’s talking about the king 🙂
Faramir: WHAT
Paladin: you called this king what now
Pippin: *activating his best “please do not be mad i am your precious baby boy” voice* i called him greasy steve
Paladin: this is how i know you’re my son
Pippin: what?
Sam: I can’t believe you did that Mr Pippin
Sam: it’s Greasy STU not Greasy Steve
Sam: honestly
Pippin and Sam arguing about if it’s Stu or Steve
Frodo sitting nearby with his head in his hands, done with the entire thing within 0,2 seconds of understanding wtf they’re arguing about
Merry loudly chanting “FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT”
*argument starts dying down*
Merry: I think it’s Greasy Bill 🙂
*cue Sam and Pippin losing their gotdamn minds*
Faramir: Are you just going to let them do this?
Aragorn: I like Greasy Stu, actually.
Sam: SEE I TOLD YOU
Merry: BILL NO
Pippin: BETRAYAL
Aragorn: *walks into room*
Frodo: aight Greasy Stu
Aragorn: awww… you guys… and I thought you’d stop calling me that now I’m king and all… that’s so sweet of you :3
Faramir: i need to have a lie down
Pippin: Do you want a nickname too?
Faramir: oh god no
Pippin: but everyone has one
Faramir: I don’t want one please no
Pippin: Sam is Flowerchild. Or just Potato.
Faramir: what
Pippin: We have a friend/relative at home who is literally named Fatty. His real name has been lost to the mists of time.
Frodo: his name is Fredegar
Pippin: this is entirely new information
Frodo: *pointing at Pippin* his name is Peregrin
Merry & Pippin:
In the early drafts after Tolkien settled on Peregrin he was called Perry
Merry and Perry
Also the Breelanders called Aragorn Longshanks which means long-legs so Greasy Daddy Longlegs anyone?
And I’m sure we’re all aware Aragorn legally changed his last name to Telcontar which is Quenya for Strider after he became King
Pippin: hey Daddy Longlegs~ 🙂
Merry: I am disowning you
Frodo: I’m kinkshaming.
Also, Aragorn: Hey Perry 🙂
Pippin: Do NOT
But is no one gonna kinkshame penny-anna for making King Aragorn say :3 and then making me read it with my own two eyeballs
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