Aragorn, the level 3 fighter: “Okay… I’m going to attack the orc. I rolled… a 12. That matches its AC so I graze it and do 1 damage.”
Legolas, who somehow convinced the DM to let him use his level 20 ranger: “I rolled a 15 to do an acrobatics check with a +7 modifier to throw a shield down a staircase and ride it as it slides. I roll to attack an orc. 17, -2 for difficult terrain, +9 for picking up the Precise Shot feat three times. And I get two more attacks with my Advanced Rapid Fire feat. I’m at the bottom of the stairs now and because I have Enhanced Quick Draw I can sheathe my bow and draw my two swords as a free action. Normally it’s a -2 in my main hand and -4 in my off hand for dual wielding, but I picked up Two Weapon Specialization so I actually get +2 to attack for both of them.”
ok but can you even imagine how much mansplaining (and manspreading lbr) Mairon had to endure in Númenor from Ar-Pharazôn? He’s probably just saying to himself, ‘Mairon, how badly do you need this gig..’
So he just sucks it up, putting on his best enraptured expression, batting his eyelashes, and exclaims, ‘Oh, your highness, that’s so interesting! Tell me again about how you humbled me before the might of your unrivaled army. I do so love the tale.”
And that was all the excuse the king needed to resume his boasting. Meanwhile Mairon’s eyeing the cutting knife on Ar-Pharazôn’s dinner plate, wondering if this would be the day he decided none of this was worth the payoff.
concept: the year is 2034. i walk into work with coffee in hand. coworker is wearing cool shoelaces and i compliment them absentmindedly. they look me dead in the eye and say, “thanks, i stole them from the president.” scalding coffee leaks out of every one of my orifices and i hide in the bathroom convulsing for the rest of the day
it is physically painful to remember that people have continued to join tumblr since 2012 and that there are people–perhaps people reading this! right now!!!–who don’t have the foggiest memory of this fucking post. this post haunted me, do you understand, i saw and heard this code used in REAL FUCKING LIFE, I CANT FKJCLNG HANDLE THIS
like, follow the road and??
what went wrong
how do you even take the wrong turn in this place
you can literally see the door from the path
Aowyn Tumblr Backup 